No turning back – R.W.

Sometimes when I’m driving
Aiming for straight home on the fast road
I loose sight of the telecoms tower
That signals my time to leave
Panic I’ll be stuck
Forced to see out this journey
All the way to the motorway
No turning back

My Dad’s Diagnosis – R.W.

Side note , this is why I stopped writing for a few months. The few things I did write may never see the light of day

My dad’s got cancer
I feel like I should be writing about it
Processing
Using the words to sooth the pain
But all I can do is cry

Everyone deals with cancer differently
My only friend who’s had a parent go through the same thing
Reassures me
As my mum says she wants us to keep going as normal

Everyone else is asking questions
So many questions
What stage? How do they know?
Is it treatable?
I don’t have any of these answers
And if i did
I don’t know if I’d share

So many questions
Everytime my phone buzzes
Someone else asking something else
I don’t know
All I want to do is
Cry

The end result is switching my phone off
I’ve  told you
Now leave me alone

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Something New After – R.W.

The journey home I slept
And I slept
Sleeping off not only the exhaustion
Of festival working
But the mental fatigue of what came before
The festival working
A poor description
But the closest fit
To describe the 12-14hr work days
Followed by drinking
Living out of a hotel
Where sleep is a rare commodity
A cycle on repeat
Without days off
But the team are good
So so much fun was had
It doesn’t feel a chore
To just keep going
A cycle on repeat
Until I stop
The more than 6 hour train home
With soooo many changes
Forcing me to realise
Just how tired I am
That I just slept

Something New During – R.W.

I was scares of going
Stepping into the unknown

The reality
Once forced upon me
Was an awakening

About what I am missing
What I used to have

Slotting into
A group of people
I’ve never met

They know everyone I do
And gossip about ones I don’t

A week that could of
Should of
Been so lonely

Passing easily,
With the passage of new friends

Ones I didn’t ask for
But in reality
I can’t help but adore

Something New Before – R.W.

I’m so worried about going
Diving deep into this great unknown
Something I’ve done before
But not like this
Never like this
I’m there to work
Not just for the jolly
Or to see the sights
Exciting though it would be
Somewhere I’ve not been
People I haven’t yet known
Something new
Something unknown

Movie – R.W.

The drive home feels like a movie
A movie im not quite in
But I’m not quite watching either
Sliding by in back ground noise
Pitter patter of rain
The car windshield
Doubling as the TV screen
An immovable plate
Between me and everything
I’m watching unfold

Control – R.W.

Head pressed hard
Against the cold metal of the servery wall
Eyes shut as though not seeing
Is not happening
Trying to quieten the noise inside my head
Calm it enough to carry on
A feat easier not surrounded
By all these people

Holding On – R.W.

I know I’m not keeping up
Not holding myself where I want to be
But this time I know
That I’ll work it out
It’ll be okay
I’m prioritising my stress levels
I might be behind
On the roster I wrote myself
Of when I needed to be complete by
But the noise inside my head
Is undercontrol
For the first time in a very long time

Late Night Texts – R.W.

The late night texts
Of things people don’t know
Where I want to scream
Into the void
Leave me alone
But that’s not professional

Recently they’ve transversed
Into declarations of things I don’t know
Taunted
Held above me
Every inch of my being
Saying I don’t care
But that’s not professional

Hours at work fixing others mistakes
Doing the things
They don’t even know
That they’re not doing
Wanting to tell them
They just need to get better
But that’s not professional

The exponential stress
Building up
Breaking me down
Day by day
Until I’m crying on my day off
Wanting to quit
Wanting to call in sick
But thats not professional