To Have A Person – R.W.

If I wanted a person
Right now
To be responsible to
I’d have a partner
I wouldn’t have left
The relationship
That was no longer fulfilling my needs

If I wanted a person
To consider before
I make any decision for myself
I wouldn’t be living alone
In a space of my own
Where I can come and go as I please

If I wanted a person
To tell me I live life too intensely
Or change my plans
To adhere to their world view
I’d have a person

Advertisement

Alexa – R.W.

I’ve never seen a person threaten an Alexa before
Holding knife to it
Threatening it to continue
With the twinkle of Christmas music
In the first week of September
Starting to feel like autumn
Cookimg roast dinner in our sweats
Starting to feel like family
Drinking wine from mugs, as we catch up in one of our flats
Starting to feel like we belong
We’ve found our groove, the centre of our walkable lives
In this here there is love

Big Scary – R.W.

Writing for myself again
Became the big scary
Thinking about how everything that passed
Everything that made me stop
Stopped
Me from carrying on
From processing what was passing
Now I sit
Not quite stopped
Ticking by in minimal speed
Sorting through
Feelings and experience
Writing the ones I can fathom
Shelving the more complex
For when I am ready

Working Away – R.W.

Usually I’m scared
Worried about what might be

Pissed off by delayed trains
And anxious a hotel booking
Doesn’t exist

I know the company covers it
Sorts all of this for me
Doesn’t stop the anxiety
As I spend hours trying to get here

This time I’m not worried
Slight twinges of will I have a room
But my intrusive thoughts
Shake off this negativity
Who cares ?
If I don’t have a room I get one

And charge it back to the company,
They sent me here
It’s their fault if they didn’t plan
Regardless it’ll work for me
As I cannot be onsite
From several hours commute away

Right now that train of thought is winning
Regardless of what faces me here
Atleast I’m not working at home

Sifting – R.W.

I don’t know what words
I want to commit to page
I don’t know where I am
What my head thinks
At this stage

I’m settling out
Mood equalising
On the pills prescribed to me
Fortnightly check ins
Chatting with my GP

The Sadness in Leaving -R.W.

I am incredibly sad
That’s it
That’s the story
I’m sad

So sad I feel I might cry
In fact I probably will
I think I’ve messed up
But not for me

I think I’ve messed you up
By leaving
Doing the best thing for me
Might just have been the worst for you

I never wanted to hurt you
Never ever
And to think I’ve made you sad
Hurts me more
Than leaving ever did

Something New Looking Back – R.W.

I left a piece of my heart there
I don’t know why
And I wasn’t planning it when I chose to go
There’s a piece of my heart on that tiny town in the cornish coast
A place full of my people
Get the good and the bad
But it’s all good fun
There’s a piece of my heart there
Tugging like an elastic band,
Pulling me back
I don’t know if I’ll make it
But I really wish I could

Hospital 3 – R.W.

I spent 48 hrs in a&e

I know the TV program is 24 hrs

I didn’t even expect to be there that long

I didn’t expect to go at all

A Saturday evening trip to out of hours gp

Turned into an immersive summary

Of the state of the once great NHS

I didn’t have a bed

For any of the time I was admitted

The ladies who helped me

When my IV beeping it needed attention

Was keeping me up at night

Wrapped blankets around me as I shivered

Unable to hold my temperature

Were not nurses

The nurses were over run

With too many patients for the amount working

No the ladies of the IV lounge

We’re just further along in their journey than me

They never saw a bed either

48 hrs ahead of me

Discharged like an angel leaving

One at a time

As I’m half conscious, only slightly coherent

As the antibiotics start to kick in

Good bye my love

They finally discharged me

I hope you get out soon

And get well soon

Hospital 2 – R.W.

I want to start unpacking my trip
The baggage I bought home
From my unexpected hospital stay
I wasn’t trying to get admitted
Just a quick trip to the out of hours doctors
Who passed me on
Unexpected unprepared and with no belongings

I’m home now and I don’t know where to start
Processing how this changed me
The time spent wrapped up in myself
While forcibly in the company of other people
Comradory growing between the unlikeliest of pals
Cultivated by circumstance

All out on the table
In our worst states
No one gives a shit what you look like
On your Unexpected hospital stay

Hospital – R.W.

I thought about writinging these
For my 46 hours in a&e
I thought of the good it would do
Selfishly mostly for me , helping my brain
Pleased with myself
For writing something for myself again
I thought about the bad
The impression it gives
Of the nurses where every single one
Did everything they could to make things better
Overwhelmed by a broken system