Words On Their Own – R.W.

There’s poems that sit
Alone in my notes
Their loneliness
A reminder that sometimes it’s okay
To not tell everyone everything
I can keep secrets of my own

Sat Alone
They tell a story
Of my darkest moments
The ones I’m not sure
Wether to share would be worse

When I’ve written for myself
Words on a page
To help my busy brain
Extract the feelings
Make sense of them

Doesn’t mean anyone else needs to see them
They are mine
And mine alone

Sifting – R.W.

I don’t know what words
I want to commit to page
I don’t know where I am
What my head thinks
At this stage

I’m settling out
Mood equalising
On the pills prescribed to me
Fortnightly check ins
Chatting with my GP

Hospital 3 – R.W.

I spent 48 hrs in a&e

I know the TV program is 24 hrs

I didn’t even expect to be there that long

I didn’t expect to go at all

A Saturday evening trip to out of hours gp

Turned into an immersive summary

Of the state of the once great NHS

I didn’t have a bed

For any of the time I was admitted

The ladies who helped me

When my IV beeping it needed attention

Was keeping me up at night

Wrapped blankets around me as I shivered

Unable to hold my temperature

Were not nurses

The nurses were over run

With too many patients for the amount working

No the ladies of the IV lounge

We’re just further along in their journey than me

They never saw a bed either

48 hrs ahead of me

Discharged like an angel leaving

One at a time

As I’m half conscious, only slightly coherent

As the antibiotics start to kick in

Good bye my love

They finally discharged me

I hope you get out soon

And get well soon

Something New Before – R.W.

I’m so worried about going
Diving deep into this great unknown
Something I’ve done before
But not like this
Never like this
I’m there to work
Not just for the jolly
Or to see the sights
Exciting though it would be
Somewhere I’ve not been
People I haven’t yet known
Something new
Something unknown

Out of Control – R.W.

There’s so many mixed emotions
I wouldn’t know where to start
To try to commit them to page
I don’t know what the theme
Of this passage will turn out to be
As I pick apart
The twisted strings
Of thoughts in side my head
It starts with a nice bloke
A genuinely good guy
And it ends with a panic attack
Caused by more questions than answers
No control over what’s overcoming me
Taking over
And sweeping me away with the tide
But it’s not the ocean
Take what we know
And factor in what we don’t
The result is mostly OK
But okay at best
And who wants to be just okay
The good and the bad
Tipping a scale
Until they’re so wrapped up in each other
That it’s not a scale
It’s yarn
Course hard bristly garden twine
Knotted and twisted
Some places it’s unravelled
No longer a string at all
Just it’s constitute elements
A fibre
That doesn’t know it’s supposed to be a string
So asks more questions
That the string can’t answer
Not all at once
Not fix everything that’s come undone
That’s when the panic sets in

I Have Your Writing On My Skin – R.W.

I have your writing on my skin
I look at it and I’m not even sad anymore
Not even angry
I keep you out of my life to keep me safe
Because fundamentally were the same person
Not soulmates
That implies were different
Not that together we burn down everything
In our wake
A force to be recond with
Twin flames and two halves of a whole
Fundamentally I’m a bad person
I don’t need validation
Of the decisions I should never have made
I hold you at arms length
Make better choices now
Keep myself safe

Be Gentle On My Bad Days – R.W.

Be gentle
Be gentle
Little things are still things
Today I did my washing
One of 5 things on my list
But that means tomorrow’s list
Starts with 4
I’m already further through
A little bit at a time
Gentle with myself
As I do what I can
Anything I tick off today
Is one less thing for tomorrow

The River of Change – R.W.

It’ll be okay
This moving times
Settled by meeting the new
Wishing those going
Weren’t leaving
But nothing will stop
The river of change
The water runs
And rushes
Bends round the boulders that oppose it
Nothing stopping
The tide of change

Passion – R.W.

Pick something your passionate about
But not that
No that won’t pass the ethics board
It may well reduce the use of pesticides
Protect the planet more permanently
But we won’t pass it
Think the harm you’re doing to the pest
We’d rather you invade a natural habitat
Make your mark there
Spend a year studying
Something you care far less about