My Dad’s Diagnosis – R.W.

Side note , this is why I stopped writing for a few months. The few things I did write may never see the light of day

My dad’s got cancer
I feel like I should be writing about it
Processing
Using the words to sooth the pain
But all I can do is cry

Everyone deals with cancer differently
My only friend who’s had a parent go through the same thing
Reassures me
As my mum says she wants us to keep going as normal

Everyone else is asking questions
So many questions
What stage? How do they know?
Is it treatable?
I don’t have any of these answers
And if i did
I don’t know if I’d share

So many questions
Everytime my phone buzzes
Someone else asking something else
I don’t know
All I want to do is
Cry

The end result is switching my phone off
I’ve  told you
Now leave me alone

6.5 – R.W.

The cars are iced
As I pull into our cul de sac
If I fell asleep right this second
I’d get 6.5 hours of sleep
Met on each side
By shifts over double that
It’s a long slog
This stretch
Between days off
To make it fair
On everyone else

Future of Me – R.W.

I want to write poems
Read poems
Sit on my balcony
In my windowsill
Under tha shade of my pergola
Crawling with vines
A lady of luxury
With the luxury of time
Enjoying nature
As love grows around me
Serenity in the peacefulness
Of this place I don’t yet know
Watch as life happens around me
The bramble so unassuming
Fighting its own battle
Before producing it’s sweet fruit
The fruit of its labour
A labour of love
In the luxury of time
And nature of
A passion persued

Girls Night Interrupted- R.W.

I saw you out the other night
Took be from the blind side
Did not expect this from my new colleague
Yeah the tattoo on your arm
Quite distinct isn’t it?

The night in question
I’m quite sure
Was one I’d not been familiar with before
Girls night sat at the bar
Regardless of venue
Setting the par
No conflict only laughter
Problems you can’t see

We had cocktails
And potions
Garnishes too
A really nice time
Drinking everything but wine

Working Away – R.W.

Its weird
The longer I’m alone
The less stable I become
The routine inadvertently built in
To how stable I’ve become
An upset to the used to
When all thats changed
Is a person less at home
I thought I was better
Better than this at least
But now I’m riddled
With anxiety and attacks
Checking twice
Sometimes more
How many more times
Will I check this door
Before I feel comfortable
To leave

Passive Sadness – R.W.

Laying in my bed
Wrapped under layers of covers
Listening to the rain
I play my fishy game
Match 3 blocks
Splish splash splosh
A new fish tank is unlocked
The tvs playing in the back ground
I’m not watching
Barely even listening
Tears leak from the edges of my eyes
I’m not crying
Not actively
Just passively letting them roll
As I try to find comfort
Soothing for my soul

Knots – R.W.

Theres a lot inside my head
Too much
Running
Spinning
Tangling
Knotting

How do I make sense of it?
Sort it, record it.

I’m trying.
It keeps me up at night.
I can’t commit to any one thought enough to cement it.

Its messy
Like me

Writing – R.W.

Full
Overflowing
Emotions too big to burst out of this fragile body of mine
Leaking out of eyes and mouth
Weaving thier way to someone else’s eyes and ears
Expedite the process
Speed it up
Surgically remove a segment of emotion
A careful incision
Transplanted from my soul to page
A simple copy and paste
The pressure is released
Leaving a space for the leaking to continue
Less painful this time
Space to happen and feel