Quitting – R.W.

I don’t want to do this anymore
It starts as a feeling in my chest
Tight and knotted like a ball
Pounding against the inside of my forehead
Thumping with my heart
I don’t want to do this anymore
The urge to uproot
Move on
Just to pull out all my strings
And try to make for something new
I don’t want to do this anymore
I don’t want to do this forever
There are big plans
Grand plans
But they’re not ready yet
I’m not ready yet
I need to hold on until the right time
I don’t want to do this anymore 

The First Day – R.W.

Today was the first day
A day that never gets easier
Filled with the unknown
Taking a step forwards
And leaving the past behind

This first day
I’ve done 3 times this past year
Each time paired with a closing
A finish
Packing up my work
Preparing it to lay dormant
For some months again
Until I can return to it
On that first day
The first of many
A hopeful future broods

Toddler – R.W.

Do you remember me?
With your big blue eyes
And scruffy tufts of hair
Bigger now than last I saw you
At only a few weeks old
Now you’ve caught curiosity
And take it with you every where you go
Do you remember me?
I held you when you were small
Cradled you in my arms
And told you how much I’d love you
Do you remember me?
That person who didn’t stick around
When they really should have

As A Friend – R.W.

As a friend
You say
As a friend
I count you close
Never too far away
Not out of grasp
Of my finger tips
Nor passing in the nights
Just like silent sailing ships
As a friend
Your opinion matters
As a friend
You pick up the pieces
When I find myself in tatters
As a friend
I say
Atleast today
You’ve not been there
When it matters

Man Up

In all the years and various stints I’ve done in the bar I keep returning to. As much as the teams changed and dynamics have backflipped.  One thing has remained constant. The idea that I should be a man.

Not me personally but someone doing my job with the experience I have typically is male. This comes in subtle forms such as the memes of bartenders plastered on the staff room wall all being blokes. And less subtle by the colleagues I have worked along side for years still attributing my specific product knowledge to my boyfriend who they have never worked with.

Mens work is a phrase that gets thrown around more than I’m comfortable with. Everything from getting ice to the less pleasant cleaning jobs. All things I’ve always done as a routine part of my job. I learnt long ago if I wanted to be taken seriously, mens work was a phrase I could not only not use but not be seen to let others use as a reason to do or not to do something.

Maybe I’m just bitter, or maybe I’m tired of being branded as less. Tired of jokes being made when I set up the shift with a girl only bar about it being a weaker team when in comparison to the men scheduled at the same time, the difference favours the women.

Bank Holiday – R.W.

My thoughts on the way into work
On the last day of the Bank Holiday
Flits between how good this ones been
Problem free
And how nice it must be
To be one of those
Only entitled to 25 days holiday
As you’re garunteed to have every one off
My 40 something hours
In the last 4 days alone
Mean this week
I’ve worked a full time job twice
Across the 7 days
Not once sitting out in the sun
Or brunching,  prosseco in hand
Here’s to those that don’t rest
Over the Bank Holidays
Celebrated by everyone else
Heres to those who keep us running
Sacrificing time for themselves

Today – R.W.

Today today today
A rest after
A week
Not a week by your measure
But a week by mine
9 days work
Two back to back
Days off at polar ends
Of a spectrum
Of manual labour
Today is today
Is the day to get stuff done
Wash my hair
Shave my legs
Today is a plant watering
Fish tank cleaning
Basic maintenance
Bumble about the house day
Today is today

Passive Sadness – R.W.

Laying in my bed
Wrapped under layers of covers
Listening to the rain
I play my fishy game
Match 3 blocks
Splish splash splosh
A new fish tank is unlocked
The tvs playing in the back ground
I’m not watching
Barely even listening
Tears leak from the edges of my eyes
I’m not crying
Not actively
Just passively letting them roll
As I try to find comfort
Soothing for my soul

Are You Genuine? – R.W.

Do you like who you are?
Every so often someone catches
A glimpse of the tattoos on the back of my legs
Sometimes they gasp, that’s so cool
More often they say, I don’t get it
Don’t get how people change
Depending who they’re with
The words say
Who are you,  when nobody’s watching?
What do you care about
What do you do
When no one else is there
To see you 

The Old House – R.W.

The house still stands
It still stands loud and proud
A treasure trove of someone else’s memories
Mixed with our own
The marks we made in the wall
Each summer as we grew
Still there lablled with our names
Hallways carpeted in a mustard carpet
The same one we left
Who knows what they’ve seen since
Some parts untouched
Feeling like they still might be ours
Others have changed
Evolved into something new
For someone new
All these things we knew
Belong to someone else now