No turning back – R.W.

Sometimes when I’m driving
Aiming for straight home on the fast road
I loose sight of the telecoms tower
That signals my time to leave
Panic I’ll be stuck
Forced to see out this journey
All the way to the motorway
No turning back

My Dad’s Diagnosis – R.W.

Side note , this is why I stopped writing for a few months. The few things I did write may never see the light of day

My dad’s got cancer
I feel like I should be writing about it
Using the words to sooth the pain
But all I can do is cry

Everyone deals with cancer differently
My only friend who’s had a parent go through the same thing
Reassures me
As my mum says she wants us to keep going as normal

Everyone else is asking questions
So many questions
What stage? How do they know?
Is it treatable?
I don’t have any of these answers
And if i did
I don’t know if I’d share

So many questions
Everytime my phone buzzes
Someone else asking something else
I don’t know
All I want to do is

The end result is switching my phone off
I’ve  told you
Now leave me alone

Something New After – R.W.

The journey home I slept
And I slept
Sleeping off not only the exhaustion
Of festival working
But the mental fatigue of what came before
The festival working
A poor description
But the closest fit
To describe the 12-14hr work days
Followed by drinking
Living out of a hotel
Where sleep is a rare commodity
A cycle on repeat
Without days off
But the team are good
So so much fun was had
It doesn’t feel a chore
To just keep going
A cycle on repeat
Until I stop
The more than 6 hour train home
With soooo many changes
Forcing me to realise
Just how tired I am
That I just slept

Something New During – R.W.

I was scares of going
Stepping into the unknown

The reality
Once forced upon me
Was an awakening

About what I am missing
What I used to have

Slotting into
A group of people
I’ve never met

They know everyone I do
And gossip about ones I don’t

A week that could of
Should of
Been so lonely

Passing easily,
With the passage of new friends

Ones I didn’t ask for
But in reality
I can’t help but adore

Something New Before – R.W.

I’m so worried about going
Diving deep into this great unknown
Something I’ve done before
But not like this
Never like this
I’m there to work
Not just for the jolly
Or to see the sights
Exciting though it would be
Somewhere I’ve not been
People I haven’t yet known
Something new
Something unknown

Holding On – R.W.

I know I’m not keeping up
Not holding myself where I want to be
But this time I know
That I’ll work it out
It’ll be okay
I’m prioritising my stress levels
I might be behind
On the roster I wrote myself
Of when I needed to be complete by
But the noise inside my head
Is undercontrol
For the first time in a very long time

Out of Control – R.W.

There’s so many mixed emotions
I wouldn’t know where to start
To try to commit them to page
I don’t know what the theme
Of this passage will turn out to be
As I pick apart
The twisted strings
Of thoughts in side my head
It starts with a nice bloke
A genuinely good guy
And it ends with a panic attack
Caused by more questions than answers
No control over what’s overcoming me
Taking over
And sweeping me away with the tide
But it’s not the ocean
Take what we know
And factor in what we don’t
The result is mostly OK
But okay at best
And who wants to be just okay
The good and the bad
Tipping a scale
Until they’re so wrapped up in each other
That it’s not a scale
It’s yarn
Course hard bristly garden twine
Knotted and twisted
Some places it’s unravelled
No longer a string at all
Just it’s constitute elements
A fibre
That doesn’t know it’s supposed to be a string
So asks more questions
That the string can’t answer
Not all at once
Not fix everything that’s come undone
That’s when the panic sets in

Destruction – R.W.

Some days are very much
Lie in bed
Try to forget
Everything I touch
Turns to dust
Nothing nice
Allowed in my vicinity
I just can’t be trusted
To have nice things
So I hide from it
In bed
With a book
About someone else’s life

6.5 – R.W.

The cars are iced
As I pull into our cul de sac
If I fell asleep right this second
I’d get 6.5 hours of sleep
Met on each side
By shifts over double that
It’s a long slog
This stretch
Between days off
To make it fair
On everyone else

Bubbles – R.W.

I’m blowing bubbles
In the surface of the bath
Ripples reflected on the white basin floor
Twisting myself
To fit where I don’t quite
Trying to just be
Exist in the moment
This is the bit I’m really bad at
Switching off
And forgetting
Watching the waves in the water
I created